Posted - 07/19/2007 : 16:59:30
I am very glad to find such communities in the net were I can share my experience and my suffering with mental disorder.
I have one of the most horrible and tragedy experience just goes from crisis to crisis. Recently I have diagnosis as having schizoaffective disorder , but I have doubt about this diagnosis and heir is my story.
My story start around three and half years ago just before the beginning of my first academic year at the faculty of medicine I became too much concern about beauty issues and start putting make up and dressed very well in order to attract the attention of my new colleague , how ever this was not part of my nature I have always been simple and natural girl. Actually no one cared about me at the university and I couldnít mange to make friendship may be other viewed me as artificial persons . Later in the year I started to be irritable and I have had several fuss with my colleagues and at last end being alone. So I stop carrying about myself and putting make up and I dressed carelessly and then I start to have headache, being tired and stop attending the lectures regularly .During this period I started to concentrate on the faces of the people and their sized and sometimes I saw the faces of some people like animals and at that moment I realized that something is wrong with me.
But the real crisis start when one of the student slap me in front of the other student after that incident I cried for one month and no one could stop me from crying, however I took substitute examination and succeed to pass to the second year.
At the beginning of the second year I was feeling much beter and less depressed however I was crying from time to time , but I was managing my feelings , so my parent decided to take me for psychiatric and this was the start of my suffering till this moment.
I was diagnosis as having depression accordingly the doctor prescribed antidepressant (SERTRALINE,ANAFRNIL)they didnít work good and then shift to (CPRAM) and start to feel good , but after 3 months I developed Mania since he didn't prescribed mood stabilizer and then this was most of my difficult time , the doctor tried all kind of medication and I have experience a lot of adverse side effects like stiffness in my muscle and my tongue became heavy and I couldnít talk also skin ruches all around my bodies and no one was be able to look at my face I was looking terrible I was looking totally different person.
Later I went to another doctor he prescribed (Lithium,Lorazepan and Flnuoxamine) these medicine work better for me and managed to take my second year examinations After 5 months I relapse and I got severe mixed episode of Mania , depression, pschycosis) , I have had very difficult times something like anxiety attach or panic attach several time in 2-3 month period those feeling I cant described .
As the doctor diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder I was prescribed Clozapine with FLUANXO and Akisol and it did help me to calm but I was still having a lot of images and thought coming to my head and I became silent just staying in my room and put my hand around my mouth and talking with imaginary people whom are coming from my own mind and who telling me always that I will soon be fine .
Then later another doctor prescribed me 5 medication at the same time (Abilify I tablet, clozapine 1 tablet, Akeneton 5mg 2 tablet, serataline 1/2 tablet and Lithium 400 2 tablet) and I continue this medication for the whole lat year , and just two months ago I stop with the other and now taking (Lithium 2 tablets at night and clozapin 2 tablet morning and evening) , but during this period nothing changed my mind still occupied with those imaginary character and I have developed obsessive compulsive disorder I have been the whole day drinks water several time and urinating, intrusive ideas come to my head which make s me worried and desperate and I could do nothing to prevent it from coming , also some imaginary people comes and telling me that I will be fine and make me Lough even in front of strange people and sometimes I cant controlling laughing, however this is the best time for me since I feel happy and relax and in high mood.
Right I take 2 tablet clozapine 200 mg and lithium 2 tablet 400 mg , but I am still feeling and experiencing what I have prescribed still feeling worried and unsecured I donít know were I am now and were I am going and weather I am going to be okay or worse with time It seem that no medication is going to help instead making me worse
I would appreciate if any one of you has experience part of my story or been diagnosis with schizoaffective disorder to help my know about this sickness and the diagnosis especially I would like to know how schizophrenic people feel and how does it start , because at my recent visit to new pdoc he told me you may be suffering only from OCD and no psychosis any help or ideas !!!!!!!!!!!!!!