Mike412
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3633 Posts Gratitude: 61
|
Posted - 04/19/2009 : 08:14:42
|
Yeah, well there's different types and levels of schizophrenia so like me don't compare yourself too much with others. I've been in the hospital ward a number of times, mental hospital once and I've met all kinds, learned a lot from them,mental health people and such. I read somewhere something like while one out of 100 people have this illness 1 out of 40,000 the onset happens before adolescense. So, I've had my whole life to figure out what's real and what's not, I'm a lot more stable than I used to be, I'm not followed by demons,commanded by voices or have those bad impulses anymore, I still am ambivalent about some things and have those "emotional problems". Because of medication,having an analtical mind,disability and finding out stuff like I got a conscience I'm not in prison or dead. I never used to think much of stuff I do everyday now like shower,brush my teeth or the clothes I wear, I never used to think much of what others thought of me but now I think about what I think about myself. I don't know how things will turn out or how my thinking will change, maybe I'll live happily ever after and get married to myself. I don't know maybe I'll get really fascinated with something and spend my life as a researcher like them people in antarctica or on shows like Nova or that David Suzuki or write books.
"When there's enough writing on the wall, the walls gonna come tumbling down" |
|
FLMgirl
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3701 Posts Gratitude: 361
|
Posted - 04/20/2009 : 02:39:45
|
Hi Mike412,
Thanks for sharing your story, and your thoughts.
I know what you mean about feeling "dead inside", and not "forming emotional attachments with people". Ever since 4th or 5th grade, I have been withdrawing from relationships. After a series of events, I started becoming more and more emotionally independent of others. And now, I don't feel as emotionally attached to people in general, let alone, my family. I prefer to be alone. I am rarely, if ever, lonely.
When I first started medication for depression, my p-doc would ask me how I was feeling, and more or less, if I was feeling 'happy/normal'. I'd think, what is normal? What is happy? How will I know if I am there? Although I haven't been diagnosed properly, with sz, I have a lot of the symptoms of it, or a schizo- disorder. Sometimes I think 'normal' is a fairytale. Kinda like believing in Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny.
You say you have lots of interests. Do you ever join in any groups that like the things you like? It might help you meet more of a closer friend, if you want one. Just a thought.
I have one really close friend, who lives out of state, with her husband and kids, but she is always supportive and caring, and non-judgemental. And that helps.
And hey, Mike...I'm glad you decided to stay here at MT.
Leigh
Everyday is a winding road... |
|
Mike412
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3633 Posts Gratitude: 61
|
Posted - 04/22/2009 : 21:09:13
|
Hello FLMgirl,
Thanks for your reply,concern, how are you?
When my shrink asks how I'm feeling I usually say something like I'm neutral or I'm not feeling anything. am I feeling angry? Not at the moment. I didn't know what normal was, I thought I wasn't it because I thought I was half insane and as near as I could tell normal meant what most people we're like, I thought it was a synonym for average. Other than anger management I'm going to every week, no groups. I've thought about finding some people that are into the same stuff as me, sometimes when I'm bored I think it's cause I'm lonely. |
|