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I love my husband but should I let go?

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seeks
Starting Member

10 Posts
Gratitude: 7

Posted - 07/13/2009 : 16:03:15

Basically, I want to let go, but it will kill me, I'm afraid.
My husband of 17 years has schizophrenia, but refuses treatment.
He actually refuses to acknowledge that anything is wrong. He used to take meds and saw a doctor, but quit. Why do people with mental illness do that? Why do they not want treatment? I don't understand.
Anyway, he lives with his parents as his behavior is too difficult for me to cope with (I have 3 girls that I've raised pretty much as a single parent even while with my husband-one is cognitively impaired with major behavior issues). I so love him and know that divorcing him would be so hard on him, but I'm so beat/tired. I also think divorce is wrong- that's my honest belief, so that makes my decision so much harder. I'm at a loss. If I'm really honest, I think I want to stay married to him because I don't want to hurt anyone.

hercules21
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

5726 Posts
Gratitude: 435
Very caring Very wise Very honest

Posted - 07/13/2009 : 18:34:38

Hi,

Check out this video - it gives some suggestions on how to deal with people who refuse help.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3157373037314023921&ei=hGFBSqqwHYOMrwKxpr2WBQ

There is also a book http://www.amazon.com/not-sick-dont-need-help/dp/0967718929/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247534269&sr=8-1

Some people have tried these techniques and have found that they don't help because each person is different. But I think it is the best advice we can offer at the moment. We often have questions from people who wonder how they can get their loved one help. And I personally never know what to say. I only personally sought help when I became completely disfunctional. The only story I will tell you is this - at one point I said to my dad 'it is true what I am experiencing isn't normal perhaps I am traumatized on a short term basis'. He said 'no what you are suffering from is far more serious than that you need to go on to a pill'.
So I didn't agree who wants to be on a pill and I didn't agree that I had a condition as it seemed so real what I was going through. If my Dad had've said 'yes perhaps your right lets go to the doctor and discuss it with him' I would have gone along. So the moral of this story is if your husband comes up with some strange logic for his behaviour try to go along with that logic and use it to everyones advantage to get him to seek help.
Some of our other members have spoken about having moments of clarity so try to be on the look out for one of those moments and take advantage of it.

Lastly I am going to do something bad here and post a link to another forum - it has a discussion group just for partners of people with schizophrenia and it might help you to share your concerns with others in your shoes. Perhaps you could use both our web site and the other one.
http://www.schizophrenia.com/

seeks
Starting Member

10 Posts
Gratitude: 7

Posted - 07/13/2009 : 20:01:29

Hercules 21,
Thank you so much for your input. I've watched half of the video and intend to finish it later. Also, I'm interested in the book that you suggested. Of course, I'll definitely check out the website (thanks for breaking the rules). I'm looking for answers and am open to all insight on this subject. I thought that what you said about your own thoughts to your father's response was so interesting. I'm guilty of not listening and validating my husband's thoughts. Now that I think about it, I'm horrible in that regard. From now on, I'll be looking for those moments of clarity. It gives me hope to know that they do exist.
Thanks again.

warbird
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)