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 ever feel like your life is purposeless?
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Chris
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)

1773 Posts
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Posted - 09/12/2009 :  00:54:17  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I get really depressed some days and I can't do much about it. I have great things happening in my life and no wish to end it or anything that drastic but sometimes I just wake up in a state of deep sadness like there's nothing on the horizon. I'm supposed to be working on my art but I don't have any prospects for it once it's done and no plan for what to do after the money runs out. I went off disability when I got married because I had no choice it would have been more costly to us if I'd stayed on than if I left and I'm making enough to support the two of us now but when my child comes that's going to change everything and I'm learning that there are some anti-psychotics which I am allergic to (two of them so far) which makes me wonder how many I'm allergic to in total and dealing with the possibility that one day I could find myself in a situation where I don't have any more I can take because of allergies. I don't know how to get my writing or music out or how to make money off of it. And I'm not really good at much else. I may have to go back to school but I'm not sure if I can do it.

Anarchy and Peace
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shades_of_nadia
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

2322 Posts
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Posted - 09/12/2009 :  08:36:25  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
chris, i think everyone probably wakes up every now and then feeling what you described..life is such a constant change, that a certain amount of caution about the future is not a bad thing.

when i had my 23d birthday, it was actually a happy one,(for once) because i honestly thought i would have been dead by then.. but instead i survived an awful, unstable year of hell, and i was relieved.

everyone has a purpose,we cant see the future, or where life will lead us, but we can trust...

so forget your five year plan, and trust a little, that things do work out the way they should.. remember, life is a learning experience.
and learning isnt always easy,or fun, but in the end, its worth it

if you cant see a future in your music, or art, then maybe you should sit down and think what other natural talents you have, that you can go take an extra course maybe.. see it as life trying to steer you in the direction you are supposed to go...



Iron ore may think itself senselessly tortured in the furnace, but as the tempered steel blade looks back, it knows better...
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Fruitcup (inactive)
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2298 Posts
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Posted - 09/12/2009 :  15:48:01  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi Chris

There is no purpose to life...we are simply born...eat...excrete...reproduce and die.

On this boring journey I have discovered love.....perhaps that is our mission.

Sue
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Chris
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)

1773 Posts
Gratitude: 268

Posted - 09/12/2009 :  16:05:10  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
wow Sue I never would have had you pegged for an existentialist!

Anarchy and Peace
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Fruitcup (inactive)
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Posted - 09/13/2009 :  00:13:52  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
How would you have pegged me???



lol

Sue


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Chris
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)

1773 Posts
Gratitude: 268

Posted - 09/13/2009 :  00:21:54  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I wouldn't have. I like to suspend judgement as best I can until people reveal themselves to me in time it doesn't always work out but I try.

Anarchy and Peace
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aspierob
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1119 Posts
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Posted - 09/13/2009 :  01:04:14  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
chris , if there is one thing i have learned from life , its that it can take unexpected turns , try to go with the flow , and maybe shake things up a little , you will be ok , you seem to have things together , just dont let life get you down , and try to enjoy the ride

there is a fine line between genius and insanity , if you can learn to walk the line , you can rule the world .unfortunately i keep falling into the insanity side
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Chris
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)

1773 Posts
Gratitude: 268

Posted - 09/13/2009 :  01:26:31  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
thanks aspierob Sue and Shades.

I'm feeling better today. I met with another author who has done a translation of Dante and he gave me some great encouragement I know I need to just keep pushing on even when it seems pointless there's a reason I'm doing what I'm doing and I believe that one day my work will be shared with the world I don't ever expect to be rich or famous, at least not in my lifetime but I'd like it very much if I could share my art with more than the relative handfull of people in the world who know me and I'd like to be able to help pay my living and support my family with what I love to do (writing and music). I'd like to be able to bring something truly beautiful into the world, something people will be able to appreciate hundreds of years from now on it's own merit not on hype and slick marketing but on it's ability to captivate people on a basic and common level which transcends language and culture and time.

that's a lot to ask I know and I don't pretend to be really capable of it, I may not be but I also don't believe that's up to me I think it's up to a higher power and I should be so lucky if it is. In the mean time I'll keep doing whatever I can and pray that it works out even somewhere close to that.

Anarchy and Peace
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docsharp
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1685 Posts
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Posted - 09/13/2009 :  10:34:55  Show Profile  Visit docsharp's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi Chris,

I just tend to think, "Oh well God moves in mysterious way," sometimes it is glaringly obvious what I am here to do, other times I am totally bemused, but just believe that there must be some kind of reason. If I knew what it was I was here for all of the time, I think life could get boring. I tend to go along with what shades said about it being a learning experience as well.
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Fruitcup (inactive)
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

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Posted - 09/13/2009 :  18:47:18  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I continue to learn everyday...

I had to google existentialist...

There is the physical life....dust to dust...big bang theory

Then there is the energy that makes us love and feel...energy just keeps going...that is the spiritual...that is visions and dreams and intuition...that is the coincidences of life...that is the spiritual for me.

If you can draw a distinction between mans world and the real world

*Every sunrise will give you a new opportunity to love"
Kahill Gilbran

Every thing turns out Chris,

Truly.

Sue
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Zebra
Super Member (250+ posts)

679 Posts
Gratitude: 198

Posted - 09/18/2009 :  05:45:13  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hey Chris,

Generally I have found there isn't that much point to life, and that most of the time the things you work hardest for or want the most are taken away from you or aren't what you wanted. Its sometimes more of a case of rolling with the punches and trying to make the best of things rather than ever having any real choice as to what you want to do with your life. Theres really no other option than to try and make the best of it.

With your writing you could try compiling some leaflets than you print out yourself. There are small writing magazines you could try submitting your work too, there are lists you can buy of them. If you get published in those it can be a stepping stone to professional publishing.

Competitions can also be good, I entered one recently where the prize was publication and a free copy of the book and got placed :-)

Open mic nights can be good for music.

Anyhow glad your feeling a bit better today.
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Chris
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)

1773 Posts
Gratitude: 268

Posted - 09/18/2009 :  21:11:52  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
thanks Zebra I was having another rotten day today. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping this week and I hit the wall today stress-wise I'm hoping this weekend will be better.

Anarchy and Peace
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hercules21
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5726 Posts
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Posted - 09/19/2009 :  15:56:51  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hang in there Chris things will get better stress and sleeping wise.

How is your new med treating you? I forget the name of it but it was a typical anti psychotic.
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sopater
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)

1005 Posts
Gratitude: 68

Posted - 01/19/2010 :  21:02:37  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
"Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose" (Mary Shelly)
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lynn2150
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Posted - 01/20/2010 :  12:22:54  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Nice one sopater.

Chris, for what it's worth, ugh, I've had many a day where I woke up thinking OH not ANOTHER DAY !

I was living alone at that time, and every day was torture.

It's the Black Dog of depression biting at our butts. for lack of a better explanation.



Note to self: ask God what His plans are, for me, for the day.
.
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Chris
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)

1773 Posts
Gratitude: 268

Posted - 01/20/2010 :  12:52:19  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I'm actually doing a lot better since I made this post. I've been making changes to my life like trying to eat healthier/seeing a dietitian, getting regular exercise and trying to think differently about my life. I've got a child on the way so I certainly have some purpose to my life right now: raise that kid! I'm also applying to volunteer with the Canadian Mental Health Association in the hope that it will give me a better idea of what I'm capable of work-wise. I'd like to go back to school for social work but I need the volunteer experience first.

Anarchy and Peace
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