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 My mom needs help
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helpmymom
Starting Member

2 Posts
Gratitude: 4

Posted - 06/11/2011 :  19:20:55  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
My mom was diagnosed in 06 when she was at her worst. She was forced on meds, and we finally found Geodone which seemed like a perfect match and helped her back on track with who she use to be before the illness took over. She came off Geodone 2 yrs ago - we are going through hell. She has lost everything, from her home, to her family, and my sister and I are all that she has left, and we are getting physically sick from all this stress and trauma.

Does anyone out there know how I can talk to my mom so she can get back on meds? Is there anything that a loved one can say that makes a difference? Is there anything you wished your loved one would tell you when you were off the meds?

PLEASE help. I can't see my mom whither away. THank you sooo much.
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lowlyworm
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

2755 Posts
Gratitude: 147

Posted - 06/12/2011 :  00:30:02  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi there,
I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time with your mom. Having never really refused meds I don't know what someone could have told me. Does she have any awareness of her illness at all? Or is she in denial that there is anything wrong? Maybe see if you can remind her of how much better things were when she was on meds. But you've probably tried that. Sorry I'm not much help. Maybe someone else has a better idea.
Many hugs, Lowly
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helpmymom
Starting Member

2 Posts
Gratitude: 4

Posted - 06/12/2011 :  12:42:43  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
THank you for responding. I always try reminding her of the better days - i have a framed picture of her (looking great) and it pains her to see it so she always puts the picture face down. She is in denial of her diagnosis. I think she thinks that taking the specific medication for her diagnosis means she will be stigmatized as being below the rest of the world, stupid, or something attacking her intelligence. I even told her she is smarter than most people - it made her feel better, but didn't help with the medication issue. When I start lecturing her delusions take over and she asks me who am I, and that I can't be her daughter speaking like this to her. So frustrating.

aa
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stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1887
Very caringVery wiseVery funnyVery honestI agree

Posted - 06/12/2011 :  13:19:20  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
welcome help my mom.

your mom is blessed to have you both in her life.

i'am sorry that i cant be with her to get to know her and try and help, [it is by the way also against the ethics here to do so]

i wouldnt and wont take meds ,except on my terms.

just be consistent. unconditional love.

why are you guys stressing out that wont help her or you both.
you have to get past that, i know its easier said than done.

your question is a hard one. i will think on it.

im pleased to meet someone as moral,kind,and supportive as yourself.

welcome to our cyber family here at my therapy. i know that people here will help you as best that they can and then some

dont take lolipops from strangers [not strangers]

remember the wooden horse
and the city of troy
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Rainbowfish
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

5628 Posts
Gratitude: 625
Very caringVery honest

Posted - 06/12/2011 :  13:26:09  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Sometimes that's all you can do, be loving and caring. She has to make the choice to take meds. Or can she make these decisions on her own? Would she be willing to have you sign a form giving you responsibility for her medical decisions? My mom has serious mental health issues but refuses any help or to seek any care. I think there is alot of fear involved in a person who won't accept medical care. Maybe they're afraid of being institutionalized?

Oh and welcome to MT HelpMyMom!


RAINBOWFISH
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chelle25
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

7614 Posts
Gratitude: 319
Very caring

Posted - 06/12/2011 :  14:41:32  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi helpmymom! Welcome!! I currently take Geodon. I'm sorry to hear that your mom is refusing meds.

I have a son who was dx as Schizoaffective and he had us on a merry go round. He would refuse meds, wind up back in the hospital and this went on for 3 years back and forth to the hospital.

During this time I was basically babying him and doing everything for him. Until the last 3 breakdowns that he had, I had enough! I totally washed my hands of it. I finally realized that I could not help someone who was not willing to help themselves and that he had to realize on his own that he needs the meds. It was tough love at that point.

So he too had lost everyone that loved or cared for him as no one could deal with him like that. The last breakdown he had he was so bad off that he was put into a nursing home for 2 months. It took them that long to get him stabalized. He now lives in a halfway house and he is on disability but he now takes his medication.

I have slowly came back into his life but not like before. I set my boundaries that I won't be around if he is not on his meds. As I have my own mental issues and am on meds myself. So far this has worked in my situation. Your situation may be different and you may have to try another approach.

I suggest you contact NAMI they have local support groups for someone in your situation. You can find them online by googling NAMI and you can call them and explain to them what your going through.



They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.



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jodartha
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

4755 Posts
Gratitude: 942
Very caringVery wiseVery honestI agree

Posted - 06/12/2011 :  15:27:15  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Denial is denial. I don't think force or even trying to convince will work. You could try a family meeting and have everyone say something to her....or you could just play tough love. I am sorry that you are so stressed. Maybe it is time to walk away.

Perhaps, saying that you have to set some limits on this situation would help. Getting someone to admit they have a problem is tough. My mother wouldn't be conned into seeking help I don't think. I don't think that family listens to family really. That is just my experience.

I like what Chelle25 wrote, it makes sense. Why not seek some comfort for you. You may need some by now.

BTW...welcome to MT...good to see you here. We are hear to listen.

Jodartha
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yinyang
Super Member (250+ posts)

370 Posts
Gratitude: 27

Posted - 06/12/2011 :  23:38:40  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hey, welcome to mytherapy, I hope you find it as helpful as I have. In regards to your situation my advice would be similar to the others here. If your mom becomes dangerous to herself or others (including you and your sister) it could be time to get professional help including a stint in the hospital to have her stabilized. When I went off my meds in the past I ended up in the hospital and in the end it saved me AND my relationships. If you are afraid of her being mad at you, she may be at first, and she may say some awful things. But from my own experience I changed my tune once I was stabilized and realized how much harm I was doing to myself and especially my loved ones. You and your sister sound like you've been incredibly brave and loyal and your mom is incredibly lucky to still have you in her life.
I think the most important thing here aside from getting her help is you both need to consentrate on selfcare right now. As you said you are under incredible stress and trauma at the momnet and no good will come if you get sick. If she can't be alone take time off in shifts. Take a day or two at a time while the other is with her. Get rest, food, medical attention and most importantly do something fun and relaxing. Try not to think of the situation just concentrate on yourself. Take a bath, read a book, go the the movies, see your friends. Spend time with other friends and family who can support YOU for a change. Nothing can be gained from you falling apart mentally or physically. And if u can afford it, maybe hire someone to look after her for a day or two so you guys can do something fun and relaxing together. Spend time with each other thats not dealing with the stress, so you'll both be stronger as a team.
Don't know if this helps, but remember your moms in there somewhere. Her thinking is skewed and her behaviour might be deplorable but she's in there and just needs to remember why the medication is so important and that she's not acting like herself. That might mean taking some steps to force it but just remember that its for the best and when shes herself she'll hopefully appreciate it and you for all the love and support you've given her.
Hang in there and let us know what kind of support we can give you!
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warbird
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

43969 Posts

Posted - 02/04/2021 :  06:39:55  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
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warbird
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

43969 Posts

Posted - 03/01/2021 :  07:32:15  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
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