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 Problems with money, mother
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Medicated
Super Member (250+ posts)

925 Posts
Gratitude: 18

Posted - 03/17/2012 :  11:17:41  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Not sure where else to post or to go since it's Saturday and my local mental health association is closed and my worker is on holiday.

Just got off the phone with my mother, who basically, as usual, trash talked my dad, saying tons of disparaging and negative things about him. She is just recently divorced from him, and understandably upset about her situation, socially and financially, but I'm afraid she's taking it out on me and wants me to turn against my father, whom I used to be very angry at for various reasons but am now more placated since being medicated and such.

My dad is paying alimony, but my mom is still afraid that that form of support will disappear at any moment, so she is rather distrustful and has trust issues with him. She still treats me like a child, even though I am almost 30, and is constantly telling me stories about how my dad mistreated my mom (such as flirting with girls on the internet), or withheld money from my sister's tuition, or is constantly lying and telling other people how much money or how rich he is, while at the same time declaring he has no money during divorce proceedings. She keeps claiming that he is irresponsible and a philanderer, and I'm getting tired and sick of it.

I'm tired of hearing from my mom how terrible my dad is; I understand that she is biased and upset from being divorced, but she is truly domineering and will nag and shout and argue with you until she generally has her way. She never claims to do any wrong, and generally holds the position of being the saint of the family, saying how much she cares for and loves me and my sister and how long she has fought outside corruptive forces from harming us.

So what the hell do I do? She makes me feel so angry after getting off the phone with her; she in fact hung up on me after saying something along the lines of "you cannot count on promises" re: my dad and it makes me want to just punch the crap out of a punching bag or something. I can totally understand why my dad would want to divorce my mom; I wouldn't want to deal with what I have dealt with my whole life any more than he would for more than 30 years.

On top of that, I'm tired of hearing from my mother that I need to be independent (I believe that true independence is generally impossible; that we are all dependent on each other for whatever reason), and that the world is such a scary place (such as having to fight my future step-mom, as my mom puts it, for my right to inherited funds and such). I don't think my dad owes me that much, and after investing in my university education (and now, possibly investing in my college one as well), I have turned out to be a pretty poor investment with terrible returns and I figure my dad doesn't owe me that much. I'm grateful for his continued support, to say the least. And I'm irked at the government for considering me to be schizophrenic/disabled and cutting me a cheque for it. It's such a backhanded thing to do. The last thing I want to do is admit my insanity but I love the "independence" that the money affords me. And yet I can't seem to get away from these phone calls from my mother, who is poisoning my outlook on life and my dad.

Any comments or suggestions?

Thx in advance, for the above and for reading this.

TL, DR: mom is being a **** about my dad and about life in general. Having trouble sympathizing with her; frustrated when our phone conversations end.

Sincerely,
Medicated.
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khaz
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

8301 Posts
Gratitude: 471
Very caringVery honest

Posted - 03/17/2012 :  13:56:47  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Your dad has done the right thing by you.....

My kids would tell me not to talk about their dad like that.

It is her marriage and you are not her confidante nor should you be.....talk to her friends but tell her she must stop this...you don't like it when she talks about your dad like that.

You have not divorced your dad....you are lucky to have such a supportive dad.

You have to tell her straight to stop it or change the subject or just say I don't want to talk about dad any more....what are you having for tea...change the subject and each time she goes on to grizzle say something like I love you mum but can we not talk about dad today.

Good luck

Sue
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OWLman
New Member

54 Posts
Gratitude: 23

Posted - 04/15/2012 :  13:41:33  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I know exactly what you are going through. The fact is, I am going through a similar nightmare right now, with the variations that I am still living with my parents (although they are still living together as a formality, they despise each other), and I am a decade older than you.

Due to both my atrocious physical health (I am a cancer survivor, and, consequently, have acquired many health problems resulting from both the disease and treatment) - and schizophrenia - I am not able to live on my own. Believe me, not a single day goes by where I don't wish that I could be self sufficient and live on my own. I am sick to death of my mother continually ridiculing me (i.e., calling me crazy and accused of destroying her life by being sick and still living at home) as well as her ongoing battles with my 'less than perfect and poor excuse' of a father.

It is a shame that many of us who are schizophrenic have to battle both our illness and those around us. It makes life even more difficult and miserable than it has to be.

The only advice I have is to do what I have been doing - just hang in there and keep hoping for the best. Miracles sometimes do happen, and I am counting on one happening to me some day.

Yours truly,
OWLman
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Medicated
Super Member (250+ posts)

925 Posts
Gratitude: 18

Posted - 06/10/2012 :  01:52:30  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Thank you both for your replies and support. As an update, I have had little problems with my mom since our last argument. I am unsure as to how it resolved, but I believe basically she needed a favor of some sort from me and I withheld my pledge of support long enough to make her nervous and she has not bad mouthed my father or so much as mentioned him in our latest conversations. She recently underwent cataract surgery and I was helpful in her recovery, so perhaps that is what it was. It's ironic, my mother would once say to me how my dad once promised her that she would never have to drive because my dad would chauffeur her everywhere... and now, it is me who drives her to the more complicated destinations, my father's "legacy" still providing for his broken promise... heh...

OWLman, I think this is the first time we have exchanged words. Your story sounds much worse and more complicated medically than mine. I would like to get to know you better in the future.

Khaz/Sue, thank you for your advice, I only wish your gentle ways of persuasion were more effective in my usage. All's well that ends well, I suppose?

I will be posting a schizophrenia social thread later, for a further update. I hope anyone who comes by this message will read it. Thanks in advance.
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chelle25
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

7614 Posts
Gratitude: 319
Very caring

Posted - 06/10/2012 :  05:24:44  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Medicated, Hello, nice to see you back!
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OWLman
New Member

54 Posts
Gratitude: 23

Posted - 07/14/2012 :  13:25:39  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi, Medicated.

I am glad to hear that your situation with your mother has improved. Hopefully things will continue to improve.

Good luck.
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lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2084
Very caringVery wiseVery funnyVery honestI agree

Posted - 07/22/2012 :  19:58:33  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Dear Owl Man
Just wanted to say how sorry I am regarding the hostile environment you live in.

I can pray for you that things gets better.
My own mother used to be quite cruel, I was lucky to get away from her.

I am so sad that you go through this abuse.

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OWLman
New Member

54 Posts
Gratitude: 23

Posted - 07/29/2012 :  13:00:46  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hello, lynn2150.

Your thoughts and prayers regarding my situation are very much appreciated. It is both comforting and encouraging to know that human understanding and compassion still exist in this world.

Thank you so very much.
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davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2473
Very caringVery wiseVery funnyVery honestI agree

Posted - 10/31/2012 :  20:49:55  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic


How are you doing these days Medicated...
I say what I do for it has bee quite a while
since you engaged with us, David




Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves-to get well and move on.
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Medicated
Super Member (250+ posts)

925 Posts
Gratitude: 18

Posted - 12/18/2012 :  16:47:44  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi David!

Thanks for posting in my thread and asking about me... It was a pleasure to come back and see that post. I hope everyone else is doing well. I am fairly happy at this point in my life. My relationships are good with my parents, but lacking with my only sister. I also have good relationships with friends from high school and good relationships with my new set of friends in my game development class. My social worker is supportive, and I see my psychiatrist once a month. Taking my medication like clockwork.

Currently just enjoying the holidays (I've been really busy with school and gaming but happy to just game nowadays). I'm currently considering dropping out of my game development program and exploring new options and horizons such as moving out of Ontario and moving to the United States or Europe. That's really long term though; for now, I think I would be happy with just a graveyard shift job.

Anyhow, that's me 2 paragraphs, I am looking forward to catching up on posts and contributing wherever I can, if I can :)

Medicated
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fleurette
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

3282 Posts
Gratitude: 292
Very honest

Posted - 09/18/2014 :  09:14:55  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
It's good to hear you are active with your social life and relationships. Hope this has been an ongoing case for you.

Cheers,

fleurette
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warbird
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

43969 Posts

Posted - 02/04/2021 :  07:21:24  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
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warbird
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

43969 Posts

Posted - 03/01/2021 :  08:13:38  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
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warbird
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Posted - 05/19/2021 :  12:17:23  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
http://cottagenet.ru/plan/179

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warbird
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http://eyesvisions.com/bates-medical-articles-myopia-prevention-teachers

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warbird
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Posted - 05/19/2021 :  12:22:09  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
http://filmzones.ru/t/153454

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