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broken hearts

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khanly
Starting Member

2 Posts
Gratitude: 1

Posted - 10/24/2006 : 09:32:02

I read these discussion forum sites on people that have been hurt and it makes me feel sick. How do we become so vulnerable to let someone literally take our livelihood from us? How do we not see? I truly believe that we all see the red flags with people in the beginning but in those blissful months of falling in love we can only envision this person in our idealistic way and imagine them for who we want to see them as. It may take one or two broken hearts to realize that we do this, but I am on my third now, and I just dont know why I keep ended up here. I dont feel like Im a very insecure person with low self-esteem, but for some reason I dont drop these people when I should, before I feel stuck in the comfort of the relationship and want to make it work. Now I know.. I pick the wrong people and you cant change anyone.. But there has to be more then that for me. Im not worried about trying out another relationship again, Im worried about getting out of one. I never seem to no when to cut it off. I seriously lose my whole self in relationships and become worthless with no respect for myself and just let them walk all over me. I keep giving, they keep taking.
I just let my last boyfriend lie and lie even though my gut pierced with pain everytime, but I just kept believing him and trying to move on within the relationship. I feel like I wasted my time and was more depressed in the relationship then happy, but I didnt want to let him go?? I think I was scared of failing again, and I felt to tired to go thru a breakup then to deal with the problems I was already going thru. Turns out all his lies came to the surface and we broke up. I still talk to him. WE are not going to get back together but I still feel that even after everything, instead of believing the worse, I try to make light of the situation . Why can I not accept that people are really vicious and can hurt you? I do have compassion for all but when Im not going to hurt myself with it or put myself in this position? Did I live under a rock somewhere thinking that everyone understands right from wrong. My boyfriend had a hard life of divorce, lies, abuse, but as soon as we hear this about someone do we run away from them? All of my relationships were with people from bad backgrounds and I think each one of these guys told me at one point in the relationship that they didnt deserve me, but that didnt stop me. Should it have?? Am I forever doomed with these kinds of people.. Where Im showing them unconditional love, but in the end wind up failing and left broken??

e-pea
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

5919 Posts
Gratitude: 1001
Very caring Very wise Very honest

Posted - 10/25/2006 : 04:30:20

hey

maybe youre trying to save people like this?

but yes. This will happen. I know many who are very good at finding passive [people and then whatever they are allowed to get away with, they will continue to do even if they SWEAR it will never happen again, etc..

manipulative people know exactly what to say, how to say it, and at what time to say which things. They get inside the head of the person they manipulate and learn exactly how to press buttons, exactly how to work things to their advantage. Of course they seem like decent people. They are really charming. In order to manipulate someone you have to convince them of something.

when you accept tat some ppl are vicious and have hurt you it becomes personal and then you have to figure out 'why you?" which is a scary place to go.

Don't give up. Three broken hearts out of 6billion people? those odds are still good. :)

These are warning signs in a relationship for me

1 if they want to move fast. like moving in right awy or getting engaged fast that sort of thing.

2 If they break promises a lot at first.

3 if they appear to be cheaters or flirt with other women openly in my presence.

4 if i stay over and they don't walk me home..

5 if they say i love you too fast,

see, people are on their best behaviour when they meet a person they like. So if his behaviour is questionable at first, it is still probably the best you'll get from him. so imagine once he gets comfortable how bad it could be.

here are good signs

1 if he asks me questions about myself and also talks about himself

2 if he is willing to say or admit something that is not the best answer. manipulative people always have the BEST answer prepared.

3 if he willing to put himself out to help me, even if he doesn't want to.

4 if he takes things slowly and doesn't rush into anything.

i have schiz and i have dated men who have tried to manipulate me based on my symptoms and feelings and drugs. that is a huge for me how they deal with my being sick.

love pea

"Yesterday upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there, he wasn't there again today, I wish that man would go away.."

khanly
Starting Member

2 Posts
Gratitude: 1

Posted - 10/25/2006 : 06:24:39

thank you for your response. I believe your right about manipulation.
I do like how you have signs and signals written out about too.
It is really scary that we have to be this weary of people!! isn't it.
love the quote too!
thanks again,
katie

quote:
Originally posted by e-pea

hey

maybe youre trying to save people like this?

but yes. This will happen. I know many who are very good at finding passive [people and then whatever they are allowed to get away with, they will continue to do even if they SWEAR it will never happen again, etc..

manipulative people know exactly what to say, how to say it, and at what time to say which things. They get inside the head of the person they manipulate and learn exactly how to press buttons, exactly how to work things to their advantage. Of course they seem like decent people. They are really charming. In order to manipulate someone you have to convince them of something.

when you accept tat some ppl are vicious and have hurt you it becomes personal and then you have to figure out 'why you?" which is a scary place to go.

Don't give up. Three broken hearts out of 6billion people? those odds are still good. :)

These are warning signs in a relationship for me

1 if they want to move fast. like moving in right awy or getting engaged fast that sort of thing.

2 If they break promises a lot at first.

3 if they appear to be cheaters or flirt with other women openly in my presence.

4 if i stay over and they don't walk me home..

5 if they say i love you too fast,

see, people are on their best behaviour when they meet a person they like. So if his behaviour is questionable at first, it is still probably the best you'll get from him. so imagine once he gets comfortable how bad it could be.

here are good signs

1 if he asks me questions about myself and also talks about himself

2 if he is willing to say or admit something that is not the best answer. manipulative people always have the BEST answer prepared.

3 if he willing to put himself out to help me, even if he doesn't want to.

4 if he takes things slowly and doesn't rush into anything.

i have schiz and i have dated men who have tried to manipulate me based on my symptoms and feelings and drugs. that is a huge for me how they deal with my being sick.

love pea

"Yesterday upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there, he wasn't there again today, I wish that man would go away.."

matt1987
Full Member (100+ posts)

190 Posts
Gratitude: 48

Posted - 01/29/2007 : 10:36:39

This post rings so true it's hard to believe for me, and makes me reconsider past relationships that I held up as glorious and my fault, which may not have been entirely my fault...

quote:
Originally posted by e-pea

hey

maybe youre trying to save people like this?

but yes. This will happen. I know many who are very good at finding passive [people and then whatever they are allowed to get away with, they will continue to do even if they SWEAR it will never happen again, etc..

manipulative people know exactly what to say, how to say it, and at what time to say which things. They get inside the head of the person they manipulate and learn exactly how to press buttons, exactly how to work things to their advantage. Of course they seem like decent people. They are really charming. In order to manipulate someone you have to convince them of something.

when you accept tat some ppl are vicious and have hurt you it becomes personal and then you have to figure out 'why you?" which is a scary place to go.

Don't give up. Three broken hearts out of 6billion people? those odds are still good. :)

These are warning signs in a relationship for me

1 if they want to move fast. like moving in right awy or getting engaged fast that sort of thing.

2 If they break promises a lot at first.

3 if they appear to be cheaters or flirt with other women openly in my presence.

4 if i stay over and they don't walk me home..

5 if they say i love you too fast,

see, people are on their best behaviour when they meet a person they like. So if his behaviour is questionable at first, it is still probably the best you'll get from him. so imagine once he gets comfortable how bad it could be.

here are good signs

1 if he asks me questions about myself and also talks about himself

2 if he is willing to say or admit something that is not the best answer. manipulative people always have the BEST answer prepared.

3 if he willing to put himself out to help me, even if he doesn't want to.

4 if he takes things slowly and doesn't rush into anything.

i have schiz and i have dated men who have tried to manipulate me based on my symptoms and feelings and drugs. that is a huge for me how they deal with my being sick.

love pea

"Yesterday upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there, he wasn't there again today, I wish that man would go away.."

cpamendo (inactive)
New Member

72 Posts
Gratitude: 23

Posted - 10/09/2008 : 17:48:01

Most men are indifferent in general. That's just my opinion.

Tommy C.
Starting Member

20 Posts
Gratitude: 5

Posted - 08/10/2009 : 15:33:15

I turned out to be one of those fake horrible people that you guys are mentioning. I hate myself for it.

I made a decision though.

If I am that way to perfectly nice people, then I should never lay a finger on a another person. (In a romantic way I mean, I still tap people on the shoulder 'n' stuff. You know what I mean.)

Even though I've had a lot of weight gain I sometimes still get asked out by women.

Now I say, "no". I always say, "no".

And, it feels good. I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I don't care if it is the woman of my dreams. I say, "no".

It keeps others out of harm's way and it keeps me free from others.

It's a win-win situation.

Everyone, guard your hearts. Guard them well.

If you're a horrible person like me and you feel stuck that way, you're not. Start saying, "no". Keep these people at a far distance. You will start seeing improvements in yourself. I can see myself being a decent human being some day and I'm excited for it. I love saying, "no". Although it causes a brief bad feeling on the one doing the asking, I know that I am sparing someone a lot of hardship and tears.