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 Suicide a bad decision
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Pat1967
Super Member (250+ posts)

533 Posts
Gratitude: 111

Posted - 06/30/2005 :  13:09:59  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I have only been suicidal Once, or twice. The first time my family was using "tough" love to get me off of street drugs. I decided (I was around 22) that life was not worth living, but after I took all my meds and lay down in the rain, I decided I would like to live just for me. I raced to a friends' house and they called 911 for me I remember being in the hospital and drinking charcoal, to absorb all the pills, it was discusting.The other time I was psychotic and was seeing " little demons" rushing toward me as I was praying, it was horrorifiing. I fought the hallucination for hours, and then finally gave in and decided I'd be better off dead. as I was going to the kitchen to get a knife, I decided to phone my parents and say good-bye. It was way past midnight but my father answered the phone.
At the time I had just become a born again Christian and my father told me I wouldn't go to Heaven. I have always wanted to see my brother in heaven so my Plan was foiled; then I went to the hospital
and was heavily medicated after I told them about the "demons".
I still believe that they were real but I don't spend time dwelling on them and have joined a little safer church for the sake of my sanity. Today I'm properly medicated and live a good life. I haven't experienced any thing like this in the past 5 years, and I'm very glad to be alive. I hope some one will read this and know we can live through hell and see abundant light once again.

Pat
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Chunkybeefsoup
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

2353 Posts
Gratitude: 412
Very caringVery wise

Posted - 07/04/2005 :  11:29:30  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Dear Pat, I know what it's like to want to die. I overdosed twice and for some reason, I'm still here today. I also was told that if I committed suicide I wouldn't get to heaven, so my plan was spoiled also. I really feel for you. I understand the pain and guilt and sadness that goes along with trying to harm oneself. I haven't tried street drugs, but I'm so glad to hear that you're not taking them anymore. But, you know, your dad is right. People who commit suicide get kinda stuck between worlds - this is what I heard anyways. Between heaven and hell, that is. Pretty scary stuff. You're right Pat in saying that having a mental illness is like going through hell. Sometimes I can't even fathom how I made it this far. But, God wants us to be here so I guess we're here to make the most of it. Cindy
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Jayster
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

2021 Posts
Gratitude: 159

Posted - 07/16/2005 :  20:57:52  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Because I like people who have a little curvature to their life, lots of my friends and family have spoken to me about suicide. I generally tell such folk I think suicide would be a mistake, and I would miss them if they were gone.

My Mom had a different approach to folks she cared for who spoke of suicide. She would say that she disapproved of suicide as a permanent solution to a temporary problem . . .

I have alcoholism and drug addiction and schizophrenia and now arthritis. Nevertheless, I have a sense my life is worth living. My Mom attempted suicide when I was 12, and I'm glad hers was only a cry for help, and I'm grateful that some of us did hear it that way.

My Mom was in a mental hospital for week on account of a suicide attempt when I was 12. When she came home, I sat her across from me at the card table and told her the thoughts I had had for the week she was away. I promised her to try to help her more than I had been doing, and I did follow through on my promise.

Jayster
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lightson
Starting Member

18 Posts
Gratitude: 5

Posted - 07/16/2005 :  21:46:40  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
My ex committed suicide. I used to wonder if he was in heaven. Or as many believed, in hell because he took his on life.

One day I was sitting in church and the pastor was talking about the only sin that could not be forgiven. That is blashphemy against the Holy Spirit. I am not sure what that is, but that is not suicide.

Suicide can be forgiven. That gives me great relief because if one day I have to go off meds, I don't want to live. It's too horrific what I go through.
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bassfish
Starting Member

22 Posts
Gratitude: 1

Posted - 07/21/2005 :  13:18:13  Show Profile  Visit bassfish's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
i have alot of respect for your faith, im quite sad that i and my girlfriend lack it, shes tried to commit suicide around 5 times now everytime it has been during a psycotic episode when liek as someone said above she couldnt cope with the wild hallucinations,i dont know how to react to it,she tells me that the people around her are always saying that they will kill others if she doesnt kill herself so she believes that she is doing it as a heroic action almost.i personally dont believe suicide is right,but i sit on the fence in the view that i have not been through what many of you have experienced,my opinion as a boyfriend of someone who is going through it is that it may have been the most upsetting thing thats happened to me when i got of the phone to my girlfriend with her laughing and joking then i got a call an hour later tellign me she was in hospital after (im very sorry to be so graphic" slicing through her wrists completely with a kitchen knife.Her wish to die sometimes is the most haunting thing ive ever experienced and every day i hope and pray i wont get another phone call.
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Pat1967
Super Member (250+ posts)

533 Posts
Gratitude: 111

Posted - 07/25/2005 :  11:07:00  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi Bassfish, I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend is so unstable it sounds as though she is suffering from schizophrenia. is she on any meds? If so she may be on too low a dosage or on the wrong ones I have a scz friend who tried the meds I'm on and they didn't work for him. There are plenty of meds out there, the right one and dose are the key to ending the suffering from scz as I wrote before being untreated is like living in a nightmare or Hell. meds are the only answer that I've come up with and I've tried other ways to beat it, finally I had to surrender to my illness and let a good doctor take charge. I hope your girlfriend will find a good pdoc and get a proper diagnosis my thoughts are with you Pat
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bassfish
Starting Member

22 Posts
Gratitude: 1

Posted - 07/29/2005 :  12:57:06  Show Profile  Visit bassfish's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
shes been offered meds but refuses to take them how do you convince somebody there ill when hell and everything seems so normal to them???
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Pat1967
Super Member (250+ posts)

533 Posts
Gratitude: 111

Posted - 08/02/2005 :  11:20:08  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
hi Bassfish
The first time I was offered meds I took them, I was seeing demonic hallucinations and just wanted out of that realm. It might be an idea to ask her if she enjoys her world, or if she wants to live in your,"normal" world. I always thought I was experiencing the supernatural and was kind of intrigued at the beginning however as soon as I realized I had no control over or in that realm it became very frightening. You can't force your girlfriend to take meds, she has to want to I'm surprised she refused to take them. Don't give up
If it were me I would keep asking her if she is enjoying her life and offer meds as a solution, the thing is she would have to take them religiously and stay on them, believe it or not that's usually the biggest problem. Although it seems very dark now there IS light at the end of the tunnel. hope this helps Pat
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bassfish
Starting Member

22 Posts
Gratitude: 1

Posted - 08/08/2005 :  12:58:07  Show Profile  Visit bassfish's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
hey just a lil update i wanna thank u guys alot pat i explained to my girlfriend what u said and shes agreed to take the meds she now on a course of anti phycotics i am goin to see her on the 27th and hopefully there might be some small improvement
thanks alot again
ill keep u updated
xxed
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Pat1967
Super Member (250+ posts)

533 Posts
Gratitude: 111

Posted - 08/08/2005 :  15:03:04  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
hi bassfish, its Pat I'm glad to hear that your girlfriend listened to you. You have just saved her from a life of ciaos and strife. The anti-psychotic meds take 6-8 weeks to kick in. This is the bummer with these meds, plus you have to pray that they're the right ones for her. I first was on my meds, the ones that are currently working, about 20 years ago, but I made the Mistake of believing I was cured and went off the meds. which led to 15 years of constant battling with scz. I wouldn't wish this on any one!! Well maybe one person, just joking I'm back on these meds now and my life is quite enjoyable but I went through a lot of unnecessary problems because when I was sick I was misdiagnosed as BI-Polar, so none of the meds helped much during that time. If the first batch of meds don't work or cause extreme problems with weight or any other obvious side-effects don't hesitate to try another kind it takes time, but her mental health is worth it . Most of the scz People I know have been on a few different meds, I hope and pray that You find the right combo as soon as possible. I'm really glad she listened to you good work !! you deserve a metal. Please keep me informed on how you both are doing, talk to you later....Pat
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bassfish
Starting Member

22 Posts
Gratitude: 1

Posted - 08/12/2005 :  13:56:09  Show Profile  Visit bassfish's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
thanks alot pat, its been about 2 weeks or so on the meds now and she has also been put on a course of anti depressents,thankfully my parents have gone on holiday allowing me to contact her again by phone she has little to say and sometimes nothing at all,i managed to speak to her mum also today who his being supportive but believes that she can see the signs of another suicide attempt near by, hopefully the anti phcotics and depressents will act before she does, i have recently started praying and by believe in god has strengthened before being a complete atheist, i feel like everything ill eventually be ok,but its going to be a long struggle cheers aain uys
xxed
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Chunkybeefsoup
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

2353 Posts
Gratitude: 412
Very caringVery wise

Posted - 08/23/2005 :  15:56:29  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi Bassfish, it's Cindy. Both Pat and I and everyone else are so relieved to hear that your girlfriend is taking the medication. This is a great breakthrough! As long as she tells the pdocs what she's thinking and feeling, she will get better. I've lived all my life with schizoaffective disorder that I know that your girlfriend MUST listen to the doctors. Please tell her this and that there is no other alternative. You've done wonderfully and I personally thank you so much for caring for her. Please keep in contact with us. Best, Cindy
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victory
New Member

91 Posts
Gratitude: 52

Posted - 10/24/2005 :  12:00:13  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi everybody! My mother committed suicide 10 years ago. I was a teenager, and blamed myself for a long time after that. I thought she had done that because I was not enaugh there for her. That made a little hell of my life untill I went to therapist who told me it wasnt because of me. I know how scary is your life, and no one shoudnt blame you for your wish to escape, but please, just think again is it the best thing to do. You know, if you have children, they will learn from you how to react on problem, and tommorow, if they find themselves in trouble, they may follow your example, and committ a suicide also! Believe me, I so ofen think about it that I am not sure if I sometimes wouldnt cross the line. So, I know how hard your life is it, but, if you can, try to think about your little girl or boy, and try to imagine how your suicide could afect on them. Wouldnt be better for everyone to drink medications regularly, and go to the doctor when he tell you? Best wishes, victory
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Chunkybeefsoup
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

2353 Posts
Gratitude: 412
Very caringVery wise

Posted - 10/25/2005 :  15:08:12  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I think that this is a very wise statement from Victory. It's so simple - you listen to your doctor and follow everything that he says. It's hard though, when you're psychotic. I remember that I trusted NO ONE when I was going through a psychosis, however, I remembered my doctor being so kind and nice and gentle that I didn't want to let him down. Sounds funny, eh? But it's true. I truly believed what my doctor said and decided it was best to listen to him. I also trusted my mother, but not to the same degree. We all have a gut feeling about who we think we can trust. Take care all, Cindy
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Ferengi (inactive)
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

3264 Posts
Gratitude: 326
Very wiseVery honest

Posted - 10/27/2005 :  07:47:10  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Cindy I have been so psychotic I did not even believe the doctor was a doctor, I thought he was a jailer. It can get that bad.

Ferengi
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Jetta
Super Member (250+ posts)

315 Posts
Gratitude: 22

Posted - 05/09/2007 :  16:07:55  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I know most aren't sharing but I want to.

My first suicide attempt was at age 21. My parent disowned me because I became engaged to man who was really a bad choice. I believe took me off my life path. Well I got pregnant right away and my son was about to turn a year old, my ex was cheating on me (I believe, he denies to this day and I had no proof just senses). Well he happened to come home that day we were fighting the night before and I wrote a suicide note. I OD'd on Tylenol and he took me to the hospital. I spent one night in the mental hospital. I was really happy for some reason.

I haven't attempted but the loss of my children was horrible emotionally. I've hit rock bottem. I believe I past the worst of it but I'm still fantasizing about dying frequently. I almost feel like my life was drawn out for me to die and it felt like it stopped at one point. I had to restart it, start making plans, force myself to do things. I felt like I was supposed to have been dead at least 3 times in last year, just by how people around me were acting, and the fact life just didn't seem to pick up. So if that was a test from God I know I passed, now I really need and want to be rewarded for not committing suicide. But really it's like where do I go from here? I lost my family. I'm alone. I'm reconnecting with my daughter but what I've done with my son I don't even know what I was thinking. I feel totally responsible, and yet vulnerable all at the same time.

How can a person go on after having their children taken from them? They were my life. I lost just about everyone I love.

In my delusional state I kept thinking my mom was dying, and I couldn't kill myself because my brother would be devasted if he lost both so close together. Really mom's death would be hardest for him, mine would likely bring relief nowadays. I prayed she'd live until he marries at least.

Rambling again. I'm done.
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