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My experience with psychosis

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jonewalker
Starting Member

1 Posts

Posted - 09/21/2012 : 00:36:29

I recently suffered an episode of psychosis. I was primarily delusional.
It all started with stress. I was extremely stressed. I slept properly, but got afraid out of simple conversation with someday which I perceived to be threatening, so fear started. The fear along stress both together played havoc with my mind, which stopped was not thinking rationally. I believed that somebody has done something wrong with my car, so it will not work. The car actually ran out of fuel, but I thought that it is sabotaged by somebody. Next day I had no car, so I took leave from office as I felt enable to go to office without car. This was the beginning of a chain of events. Next day I went to get my car repaired, but got afraid that somebody planned to kill me. The idea was so strong that I was terrified and dont know what to do. I tried to talk to my wife about my fears, but to her, it was unreasonable, but to me, it was real. I was looking everybody on the road suspiciously as if they were threatening me. I was seeing threats everywhere. Next day, I decided to overcome my fear and that made me relax a bit. I became normal for some time, but by the evening, my fear again came back. My wife was sleeping properly, but I had no sleep. I was awake all night in fear and my mind was running with thoughts. There was no rest except few hours of sleep which does not help anyways, because on waking up, I was again thinking the same things and getting stressed and afraid. I did not go to office for 3 days now and I was not calling up my office to tell what has happened to me and why I was not coming. I was just so preoccupied with myself to bother about going to office those days. I started believing that CBI is chasing me and watching everything I do. I was afraid of talking to my wife at home because I thought that my house is having hidden camera and earphones installed by CBI. I was afraid of talking openly to my mother on phone as I thought my phone is being recorded or listened to. I believed that water in my house is drugged. I was not eating any food. Sleep was miles away. I was just thinking, thinking and thinking weird. I wanted to go to hospital due to lack of sleep, which I thought was cause of my agony, but was afraid of doing the same as I thought they may admit me and I was afraid of hospital admission. My memory was also failing me. I decided to go back to my home town to my mother and family, but wasnt able to book train tickets on internet as I didnt remember my login id and password. I was mentally exhausted. At last, my wife managed to book flight tickets to get me to mother and family. Travelling in plane was also troublesome as I was talking nonsense due to my delusions. I reached to my mother and family, but was in out of sync with reality. I was in world of my own with my own beliefs where there was no place for rationality. I agreed to get admitted to hospital and I was put on anti-psychotic, which made me sleep. I started to sleep properly in hospital and medication also started working on me, which made me less psychotic day by day. In a week, I was back into reality and started understanding that my beliefs were wrong and irrational. It took me another 15 days to figure things out rationally and cobwebs of delusions slowly cleared.
I was put on medicine risperidone 6 mg once a day. The medicine made me drowsy soon after it was taken. It also had other side effects, like, excessive hunger, watering of mouth, etc. But it helped me get rid of delusion and return to reality. It worked in span of days and after a month I was thinking rationally and knew what delusions I had when I was in psychosis.