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wanderz
Starting Member
17 Posts
Gratitude: 6
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 Posted - 12/30/2006 : 22:38:34
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I've been suffering from some sort of schizophrenia for about 8 yrs now. It started when I was 15, I'm mow 23. I think it was triggered by all the asid I was dropping at the time. I didn't know much about the disease then, but I was aware of my older brother being bi-polar schizophrenic I just didn't know that it was genetic or could be brought on by various drug use... Anyway I've tried a number of different anti psychotics, none of them seemed to help much. In fact many of them made my symptoms worse, so I haven't been on any meds for the last two years or so. I don't have full-blown hallucinations, but I do have thought broadcasting. TB(thought broadcasting) can be very hard to live with because I feel that if everyone can really know what I'm thinking then they couldn't really like me very much... sometimes I can have the worst thoughts about the people I'm closest to.. I'm wise enough to know that I'm not really in full control of the thoughts that arise in my head, I'm only truly responsible for the opinion I consciously form of the thoughts I have, but still it can be vary paranoia producing. So I guess I'm asking for any suggestions on how one would cope with these feelings since I know I can never fully be sure it's not really happening.
~Wanderz   |
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| Jayster
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2021 Posts
Gratitude: 159
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Posted - 12/31/2006 : 16:38:34
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Dear Wanderz,
Yes, I had thought broadcasting, and I will attest that I found it most uncomfortable.
Jayster |
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| Kristien
Starting Member
4 Posts
Gratitude: 3
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Posted - 12/31/2006 : 23:42:52
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| When I was having a psychosis I used to think that people could read my mind and that I was in telepathic contact with some people. I often felt guilty about my thoughts. Now I am on medication and I don't believe anymore that people can read my mind. I think you should not feel responsible or guilty about having thoughts, because it is impossible to control them. And besides, trying to control them causes a lot of stress and frustration. You should judge yourself on your actions and not on your thoughts. |
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| greek116
Full Member (100+ posts)
162 Posts
Gratitude: 11
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Posted - 01/01/2007 : 15:38:24
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Thoughts broadcasting, oh that happens to me like all the time! I do odd things like say nonsense stuff and move in odd ways trying to act like I made a mistake or something so people will notthink I am odd because of my thoughts I think. It causes me a lot of social anxiety.
Love and Luck
Greek116 |
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| Chunkybeefsoup
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2353 Posts
Gratitude: 412
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Posted - 01/04/2007 : 14:09:54
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| Hi guys, Walderz, I know exactly how you feel. It's not so bad now, but when I thought that my thoughts were being broadcasted out there, I felt so guilty and ashamed because of what I was thinking. I too had bad thoughts about people some of the times and this would really bother me. Really bad thoughts. It was like everything is fine and then, boom, it hits you from left field. I felt that everyone could hear my thoughts and would start to think bad things about me. It was horrible. Sometimes, I just wanted to die. Love, Cindy |
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| wanderz
Starting Member
17 Posts
Gratitude: 6
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Posted - 01/08/2007 : 18:45:20
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"Now I am on medication and I don't believe anymore that people can read my mind."-Kristien
I tried a number of antipsychotics and as far as I know, they didn't help..I may be whats called treatment refractory(resistant to meds).
What med worked for you and what do I do if the meds won't work for me? Anyone? |
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| Kristien
Starting Member
4 Posts
Gratitude: 3
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Posted - 01/09/2007 : 09:10:21
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| I started with Risperdal and now I am on Abilify (15 mg). Both meds work for me. I hope you will find one that works for you. |
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| Chunkybeefsoup
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2353 Posts
Gratitude: 412
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Posted - 01/09/2007 : 12:49:17
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| I found that increasing my dosage of antipsychotics helps with the thought broadcasting. Sometimes it's the wrong meds. Sometimes it's the wrong dosage. Sometimes it's both. I know I've finally found the right meds. It was the dosage that needed changing. I've only changed for a couple of days and I already feel the big difference :) Love, Cindy |
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| Jayster
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2021 Posts
Gratitude: 159
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Posted - 01/10/2007 : 18:56:21
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As important as it is to find the right meds, the right dosage is equally important. I am constantly titrating my meds.
Jayster |
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| mlv83
New Member
76 Posts
Gratitude: 13
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Posted - 01/15/2007 : 00:14:17
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| I know exactly what your talking about. Like when my brother comes close to me, a thought just pops and say something really bad and so i would say something in my head about something else real quick. I know exactly what your talking about. I've been having this problem ever since I became schizo. Like I would have all kinds of thoughts and that I'd keep thinkihng the whole world is knowing what I'm thinking. So when I have a bad or sexual thoughts, I would quickly say something else in my head so that they wouldn't know what about those thoughts. When I go to the store or somewhere I keep praying that my thoughts would go crazy and make fun of people, because if it does, I would have to replace them real quick. This thing is so real to me that thought broadcasting is a reality thing for me. I need to know what meds your on so maybe I can take them and hopefully my thought broadcasting would go away. |
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| wanderz
Starting Member
17 Posts
Gratitude: 6
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Posted - 01/16/2007 : 14:23:21
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>mlv83
"I know exactly what your talking about. Like when my brother comes close to me, a thought just pops and say something really bad and so i would say something in my head about something else real quick. I know exactly what your talking about. I've been having this problem ever since I became schizo. Like I would have all kinds of thoughts and that I'd keep thinking the whole world is knowing what I'm thinking. So when I have a bad or sexual thoughts, I would quickly say something else in my head so that they wouldn't know what about those thoughts. When I go to the store or somewhere I keep praying that my thoughts would go crazy and make fun of people, because if it does, I would have to replace them real quick. This thing is so real to me that thought broadcasting is a reality thing for me. I need to know what meds your on so maybe I can take them and hopefully my thought broadcasting would go away."
I'm not on any meds right now, and I still have a tendency to believe it's real... in fact on most days I KNOW it's real. I just don't know how or why.. or why no one will tell me about it. My husband suggested that maybe the reason people won't tell the the truth about the fact that they can read my mind is because people don't want to make themselves or me feel uncomfortable. Boy did that make me paranoid that it's true... Well if it is real then I really hope SOMEONE will tell me so that I don't have to go one thinking I'm crazy and so that I could get all of this resolved some how with me people I love!!!!!
~Wanderz  |
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| mlv83
New Member
76 Posts
Gratitude: 13
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Posted - 01/16/2007 : 21:51:39
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| This thing is part of me. What I mean is, people reading my mind is a reality to me and that its hard to get the truth from everyone. Its as if their jealous of me or that they dont want me to go crazy. And trust me, I can not hear you from Texas. One day it will take over you like it did to me. And my best bet is to always go do something to keep you busy and also talk to get rid of that thought. It will take time but you will get over it. |
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| matt1987
Full Member (100+ posts)
190 Posts
Gratitude: 48
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Posted - 01/28/2007 : 00:31:05
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I have the exact same problem. It's so severe I find it hard to go in public most days, particularly because when everyone can hear me I have the tendency to think/broadcast the worst possible things, even if it's not what I'm really thinking, for example, racist slurs even though I'm entirely not a racist.
I've had it for almost a year now and had to quit college and come home to stay with my parents because of this, but if my social security doesn't come through, I don't know what I'll do, I can barely be in public for 15-30 min. on good days.
I'm on Abilify 10mg, and it seems to help hearing other's thoughts, but mine are still broadcast if that makes any sense.
It also doesn't help that twice I've heard neighbors (one staring directly at me with no one else in earshot) tell me they can hear me, or screaming back obscene sexual thoughts to me outdoors from down the road (like I said, I broadcast embarassing things I don't even mean or really think, and I don't know why) and then asking if I can hear them. |
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| mlv83
New Member
76 Posts
Gratitude: 13
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Posted - 01/28/2007 : 20:50:25
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I know exactly what you mean Matt. Thought broadcasting is so real to me and I just dont know why. Its part of my reality. When I'm sitting outside to smoke a cigg, I would here neighbors saying relating things to my thoughts, so I would broadcast back telling them to leave me alone. Ever since I had this, I learn how to speak in my head without moving my mouth, meaning I know how to broadcast back. The meds kept my thoughts in control with injections of resperdal every two weeks now. So Im getting to where there is no thoughts and that if I want to think Id feel like thinking, if than not I would not think at all. My main problems were my thoughts, and man, in the beginning it felt like God was giving messeges and voices into my head. But now, everything seems to go well, except this damn thought broadcasting is still effecting my life and that it seems like everyone on this earth is hiding the truth from. Its as if God had chosen me and that human kind is evolving and that Im suppose to populate the earth with mind reading powers. Thats how I feel. So my parents would hide the fact that they can read my mind and that it feels like their lying to me. If anyone out there, please tell the truth, can you read my mind, please tell? I really need to know so I can release a lot of preasure in my mind. Please tell me. |
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| matt1987
Full Member (100+ posts)
190 Posts
Gratitude: 48
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Posted - 01/29/2007 : 10:16:50
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Yeah, it always gets worse for me when I go outside and smoke a cigarette as well. I'm probably going to quit.
The voices have mostly gotten quieter for me, it's as if the neighbors have grown sick of it and quit, they used to tell me (not out loud, via voices) to shut up and such.
The scariest things for me were when I heard a neighbor look at me and say out loud "I can hear you" or when I couldn't get the phrase 'gay porn' (which I don't like, no offense) out of my head and heard a neighbor outside screaming 'you're f'ing gay can you hear me can you hear me?'. I also once had a library employee (where my symptoms get worse, because it's public) walk up to me randomly and tell me he hated me.
It's particularly embarassing because I get stuck on a thought or word (seems the more embarassing the better) and can't quit repeating it. E.x. in public I repeat the n-word even though I'm entirely not racist, which is mortifying to me, and is liable to get me in physical harm someday if people really do hear me.
To top if off I now have the words pedophile and 'kiddy porn' stuck in my head (definitely am not a pedophile nor have I ever seen any kiddy porn), and it makes me very scared that people will think I really am because I repeat it so much. |
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| Chunkybeefsoup
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2353 Posts
Gratitude: 412
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Posted - 01/30/2007 : 16:22:49
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OMG, I can't believe that I'm not the only one with thought broadcasting. What you guys said applies to me also! I sometimes feel the whole world can read my thoughts, especially if they're violent or sexual. It's so embarassing and disturbing. When this happens to me, I quickly get it out of my head and replace it with another thought. Or I'll pray and hope that it goes away. During my first mental breakdown, I would count. Luckily, that hasn't stayed with me and I don't count anymore. I think that at that time, I had some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD. This only lasted one month though and I stopped counting after that. During this time it was very stressful. Here's how it went: I'd pick a random number and count to this number and then at the end, I'd feel comforted. But not for long. Pretty soon, I found myself counting almost all of the time. I was a part-time receptionist at the place where my mother worked. I did such a lousy job and actually had people calling in and complaining about me. They then wanted me to do only filing. At least I didn't have to talk to anyone there. I didn't know how to get along with other people and was still very heavily affected by my eyes and my body dysmorphic disorder. I kept on thinking about my eyes and going to the bathroom to look at them, that I really didn't know what I was doing at work. I made a lot of mistakes, but nobody said anything cause my mom worked in a really high position. They just kept on recycling me and moving me from one department to the other. I would get such menial tasks and I was still unable to do the most simplest of things. It became really sad when I overheard a group of people saying how stupid I was. This really hurt my feelings and it was only soon that I became really depressed. Phew, enough of that already! Ttyl. Love, Cindy |
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Thought Broadcasting
